Monday, July 21, 2008

Garden CSI: The Lettuce Has Been Devoured Episode

Preface: I've decided to garden. Nothing big, just my little patch of green, making me happy. Hopefully it will produce some beautiful vegetables that will make our bellies content. I'm not much into chemicals, so I am making my way blindly through this gardening adventure, taking the roadblocks as they come.

The other morning, I gathered up the girls to do our morning greeting to the garden. Check on the plants, assess any bug damage, feel delight with a new bud or fruit. When I gasped, noticing my lettuce patch had been devoured overnight. Gone. Like who let the starving bunnies loose in my garden. Only problem is, we don't have bunnies in our yard or neighborhood. Apparently we have hungry exoskeletal creatures roaming about.

How do I know this, you ask?

All day, I couldn't let go of the fact that something destroyed my lettuce overnight. I knew that the roly poly bugs were the culprits in my zucchini and bean plant demise, but now my lettuce? Just couldn't be. At 10pm I decided it was time for some Garden Crime Scene Investigation. I donned my panties, a tank top, Crocs, and a headlamp as I walked slowly and quietly towards my raised garden bed. Sorry folks, no pictures allowed. Although my husband had a heck of a chuckle.

Turned on the headlamp in a flash! And what did I find?
EARWIGS!

Earwigs, seriously with lettuce in their little pinchers. Having a divine supper in my garden. But they weren't just in my lettuce, they were in the already eaten zucchini, sunflowers, basil, pumpkins, beans as well. I never met an earwig I liked and this was just one more reason to destroy the buggers.

I took my heeby-jeeby-bugs-are-crawling-on-me-and-I-am-in-my-underwear self back into the house. Where for the next hour, I thought there was something crawling on me. Eeew!

This was war.

I went to the war headquarters, Google. This is the advice I found: trap them with a tuna can filled with oil and a dash of soy sauce or Shop Vac them up. Then, I sought advice from my family, brother #1 advises Neem Oil. Brother #2 advises some spray from Walmart (it's organic)...But you see, I'm cheap and don't want to spend a dime, so I???

Fast forward to 11pm, the day after the Earwig discovery.

Headlamp on my head, flipflops on my feet, more clothing than last night, and a ShopVac, armed and ready to go. I did it, I sucked the little buggers up. And some roly pollies to top it off. For the record it's very fragrant to vacuum off your basil plants, aromatherapy at it's finest.

Oh and it feels good, darn good, to suck up lots of hungry bugs. Mwahahahaha!!!!

20 comments:

  1. You are HILARIOUS! That picture of the bug is horrifying. And I don't blame you one bit for taking delight in Shop Vac-ing them up.

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  2. YOU CAN NOT BE DRESSED LIKE THAT SPORTING A SHOP VAC SUCKING UP INSECTS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND NOT POST A PICTURE. Do I need to draw you a picture???

    This was super hysterical BTW.

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  3. I always feel a bit guilty when I am delighted in killing a house fly or other nasty pest--glad I am not alone ;)

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  4. ROFL,I stumbled onto your blog from Nap's and DH and I are small farmers, we have found no luck with growing lettuce b/c it is to hard to grow without using pesticides which is something we try not use when trying to grow organic veggies. so good luck with the lettuce and keep us posted if the shop-vac works.

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  5. That is a seriously UGLY bug!

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  6. Ugh I hate bugs and that was sure ugly.

    I am also laughing at the image of you with the flashlight.

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  7. UGH, we have those bugs in New England -- they often find their way into the house -- they are SO DISGUSTING!

    I am living vicariously through your shop-vac adventure - I love it!

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  8. first, love the csi get-up! so awesome. second, that bug is disgusting and so glad you sucked those gross creatures up! bleck!

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  9. HAHAHA - that is so funny about the outfit. I love it. What did the neighbors think? lol! I hope the grotesque ear wigs don't come back anytime soon!

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  10. So tell me...what did you do with them after you sucked them up??? I'd forever be afraid that they crawled back out...

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  11. Oh your post totally made me laugh. Those little guys are the bane of my existence! They are too creepy!

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  12. Ugh, I absolutely hate those things!
    I found a silverfish in my drawer yesterday...luckily the bf was over and killed it for me. Those things seriously creep me out.

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  13. So the ear wig karma prevails once again. Does this mean you will have to vaccuum up a new batch regularly? I do like the vaccuum option. Love, Keri

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  14. make sure next time you are out to pop over here, we had an incident too! Hope it works.

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  15. OMG, pure genius. I wonder if this will work with Japanese beetles- the one that dare ate an entire rose bush in my garden. I'm getting out my dyson.

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  16. Great. Now I have to go out and vacuum up whatever's eating my brussels sprouts. :(

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  17. Hi! I came over from June Cleaver Nirvana. HYSTERICAL story! And, may I congratulate you on your fine choice of blog layout? (we have the same one).

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  18. Earwigs freak me out. You are brave, very brave.

    And so, so funny!

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  19. hahahaha!
    great story!
    came here via June Cleaver Nirvana.
    Cool blog, girlie!!

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