Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I find myself doing a double take trying to fully experience what my body has evolved into over the past thirty some years. Don't get me wrong it's unmistakably me, with a few extra pounds and newly appearing wrinkles. Who knows what exactly a few extra pounds is quantified as, I am one of those silly women that don't own a scale, I just go by the way my jeans fit. Currently, those jeans are a bit tighter in the thighs then I care for. Honestly, I could probably stand to drop twenty pounds easily. And if you asked me last month (Operation Good Bye Muffin Top), I would have said I could stand to drop twenty five pounds. Oh and if we are just playing around with weight and numbers for kicks, I would drop thirty five pounds to have the dreamy stick figure I once rocked in my youth.
For years I've often wondered what I would look like, how my body would transform if I actually tried. And by tried, I mean worked out regularly. It's funny because regularly is the word that often kicks me in the ass because I am good at trying things, but staying with them, now that's the problem. That work out DVD I was recently all jazzed about, I used it regularly for a few weeks, but not faithfully. Now I kind of use it, when I'm in the mood. Dun, dun, dun, dun. I'm lame.
Now it's confession time...
I hands down, have used every silly I'm-in-denial excuse in the book to avoid swimsuits/swimming pools in the summertime (or heck anytime for that matter). Right now if I close my eyes, scrunch up my already wrinkled forehead and ponder the last time I was in a bathing suit, I'd be at a loss. I'm thinking it was in June of 2007 when we went on vacation to Steamboat, the Grand has an incredible pool. Yes and if you recall we were just there Easter Weekend, I forgot my suit, oops. Why? I hate bathing suits. Why? I have a very deep love hate relationship with my body. The same body that I am sure could look fabulously bathing suit ready, if I just worked out regularly.
You see, my jeans fit much better when I am not adding my girls' leftovers into my daily caloric intake. Or when i'm not baking up a storm in a pms fog, hello resist temptation. Butter just makes baking better. I've given serious thought to my chai habit with all those extra calories and now have a lower calorie alternative, just a chai tea bag made with water and no sweetener. It truly isn't the same as a frothy sweetened milky delightful beverage, but it definitely fills a craving. So why don't I just go on some trendy diet? It's not my style. I take pride in the food that I put into my body, we eat the majority of meals at home, it works for me. It's balance, when I am not active the balance is off.
Today is May 1st. But today is a new day for me. Today is the day I start a 30 Day Challenge to get into the gym and give my body a chance. I am a huge fan of the Biggest Loser (Tara in particular). I watch faithfully every week and my daughters are quite familiar with Jillian from the workout DVD, which I think is very sweet. I don't think a week has passed when I haven't teared up watching The Biggest Loser. I truly am inspired by how the contestants have transformed their bodies with hard work and dedication.
Most importantly, what I've taken away from Tara is that she has learned to believe in herself. I'm ready to believe that I can be strong, beautiful, and healthy. With building confidence I am sure comes breaking down all those barriers that I've created in my mind, that my body is not bathing suit worthy.
I'm saying right now, so I can start believing it. By June 1st, I want to be on a path of fitness with the ultimate goal of buying myself a new swimsuit, so I can hold my head up proud and take my girls swimming. Details will follow...
For insight into my previous attempts, check out my Attempting To Move posts.