Oh my goodness, I've had a funny day. I recently was given a new computer, well it wasn't brand new but it was much newer, faster, and has triple the memory of my old computer. So to me it's new. My old system, which is still sitting right next to me was at that point where I was running out of hard drive space, even though I moved tons of files to a separate drive.
As a result of the new computer, I was able to transfer all of my photos and music back to one place. Yippee! That's a celebration in itself. While poking around transferring files, I came across some pictures I had scanned a while back. Well, I took one of those scanned photos and turned it into my new profile picture on Facebook.
Let the fun begin!
My oh my, what a response was elicited from this photo:
Yep, that's me, when I was young and very self conscious. I have about a hundred photos from that day, just a simple photo shoot in my cousin's backyard for a class she was taking. I received text messages, emails, and responses to the profile photo change. I had no idea a photo would bring back so many memories!
What was my motivation?
Honestly I changed my profile picture for two reasons. The first reason was I have so many old friends on Facebook that haven't seen me since the time the photo was taken, right after I graduated High School. That photo is what they remember. Secondly, I have another group of friends that see me everyday, but never knew me then before the wrinkles and the extra twenty pounds. It was a whim.
Most importantly, sometimes it's nice to remember. I remember that day so clearly in my mind. I remember that time in my life, when I had youth on my side, but I didn't have the confidence. I was uncomfortable in my skin. My 5'11" skin. Yes, back to the height again, but it's true. I can say I didn't feel beautiful then. I look at that picture and think, seriously? Where was my head.
Working out has brought out deep emotions in me. I now have the confidence inside, but I can't quite grasp the beauty that I see anymore. Lately, I rarely have a picture taken of me that I like. There's always a flaw glaring back at me, so I delete them. I stepped on the scale which was a mistake. I'm just taking the progress one day at a time. Hoping the changes I am working on will eventually make a difference.
When I remember, I want to know where I came from and embrace where I am going. The aging and wrinkles don't bother me one bit. I just want to have a happy glow about me, one that shows I'm committed to taking care of myself. Rumor has it being healthy isn't about being skinny (that would be another quote from my trainer who responded to my pity-party text message). Convincing myself otherwise is the hardest part.
Oh and just because I am all about being REAL, here I am today, the work in progress: