Lately I've been hmm, how shall I put this? Not quite myself. Well, maybe that's not the right way to say it. I've definitely been myself, holding down the fort, dealing with some surprises at SJ's new school, preparing for her big birthday, and making due trying to keep everything together while my hubby is intensely busy at work. While I could blather on and on about how it's so hard to be running the household solo for the last month or so, other things are just bothering me more.
Like what a shitty job I've been doing running my household.
Laundry is overflowing from the hamper, a polka dot sock is on the bathroom floor and it's mate is in the corner of the kitchen under the cabinet kickplate. There's a birthday cake sitting on the kitchen table with four slices taken from it, uncovered. It should be put away, but its not. I'm sure the sink and counter contains at least a dishwasher load of dishes. The dog hair has gathered in little clumps on the stairs. The kind of clumps that put me over the edge every single time I walk up the stairs.
And me, I'm not cleaning, I'm typing. Doo-dee-doo, in front of my computer.
I would love to pretend like the CHAOS that is my home doesn't exist, but that's not really possible at this point. I wonder how did this happen. When I see a shoe on the bathroom floor and it's mate under the dining room table, I wonder really? What in the world. I'm a mess.
I'm beyond excuses.
It's time to take back the house, take back myself. This shall come as no surprise that I have in the past month also put on a few pounds, I don't own a scale so I'll guesstimate 5 pounds. Odd. Cluttered house, cluttered body. Direct correlation in my book. I've been coping with baked goods lately, I even bought chips and dip. Baked chips for the record, doesn't that make consuming a pint of dip better if it's on baked chips? I've been really snacking, even late night which I rarely do. Today I had a chai, arnold palmer, and a beer. Three beverages that weren't water, when I'm more like the self I love to be, I drink water all day long and treat myself to a green tea with no sugar. I try not to snack and if I do it's a piece of fruit. I've suppressed my tendencies to live a cleaner lifestyle. That cleaner lifestyle that I love. Now, my habits are all rolled up into a nasty whirlwind that I need to snap out of, like yesterday.
The other day I thought it's almost the end of the month. Live it up. Enjoy the birthday celebrations that were unfolding throughout the week, soon enough my husband will be more present (well until the snow arrives). And I will be more present.
I've decided that October First will be my day to start anew. I'm putting a decorative cloth over the television and unplugging it. I'm waking up and putting on my shoes and lacing them up tight, I'm drinking an eight ounce glass of water with my bowl of oatmeal. I'm taking babysteps, but the best part is I'm going to forgive myself for slipping into an unsightly mess physically and behind closed doors this past month. I'm moving forward, embracing the work that is ahead of me.
Tomorrow is another day and I am happy to say, tomorrow is going to be the first day I start living like the person I know I can be. Oh don't worry, I'll keep you posted.