Friday, December 18, 2009

I'm Not Burning My Bra, But Mesmerize Me With Women's Wisdom

Over the past year, one of the most tender subjects I've touched upon here is my friendships. I wrote a post back in April called, Having The Courage To Say What's Missing. Really I was throwing myself a little pity party, but those feelings needed to be expressed. Today, when I sit here and think about my friends, I feel grateful. I feel content that they have all come into my life at various stages, but have amazingly stuck by me.

A few weeks ago I was asked to join a women's group. Quite simply put it's a gathering of 10 women (9 of which were strangers to me), kind of like book club with out the pressure to read a book. Heck, I've been in book clubs and the majority of the time we just wanted to talk about everything BUT the book. For me the women's group was an opportunity to experience something new, take a bit of a leap of faith and put myself out there to see what the group would be and feel like. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect.

I'm happy I did.

I believe now, after just two meetings, that women have a beautiful sense of wisdom when we allow ourselves the opportunity to share from an authentic place. It's a wisdom that feels like a warm hug, even with women you hardly even know. Then of course having deep conversations poses the question, how much do my friends know about me? We all have friends in our life that can handle our shit (like the true shit), some that can handle a version of our shit, and some that really only want your put together game face. Those words I say from a purely non-judgmental place. Now that I've gathered some perspective on my ability to be open with my friends, I recognize I need them in those ways that they have developed in friendship with me.

Creating space.

Many people may say, gosh I wouldn't go near a room with ten women working through their issues, whether it be something happening in the now that is more than likely fleeting or an ongoing problem we've grappled with our entire lives. That feeling never really crossed my mind. Truly, I have to tap back into the wisdom I spoke of. Sitting, listening, feeling other's emotions, offering our perspective with thoughts from our own experience is pure wisdom.

How words influence me.

The conversations that have transpired, whether it be prompted by me or not, have impacted my everyday reality. I feel more nourished. I don't feel so much longing for what I don't have. I know beating myself up about the house being unkept or the perfect long and lean body I want, is not the right space for me to bring about change. I realize that a little bit of self nurturing can bring about a wave of renewal, I never quite anticipated.

Wow.

Now, those moments in a phone conversation with girlfriends, emails, or a simple text have more longevity in my heart. I feel gratitude they are on this journey with me. I feel gratitude that I can embrace the wisdom from other women with not having to judge. Best of all, I feel gratitude for letting go of what my mind created a perfect friend should be, because all of my girlfriends have given a piece to me that helps make my life more complete.

I hope you all know, you mean the world to me. That is gratitude in wisdom.

12 comments:

  1. We'd be lost without friends in our life to guide us when things get rough.
    Love you!

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  2. I love the idea of a safe place to share what's really going on in our lives. The real self vs. the false self.

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  3. So glad you chose to participate!!! I too feel ridiculously grateful for all of it as well. Amen sista!!!! xoxo Keri

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  4. It is so vital for us to have this! We walk through life most of the time with a mask---it's good to come out from behind that mask and BREATHE!
    Love you Denise :)

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  5. May we all appreciate the women in our lives and the positive difference they make...we are truly blessed to have such comfort and wisdom of the feminine collective - I miss my friends but know that we live within each others hearts. Thanks for sharing this Denise...love and gratitude,
    Kim

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  6. It's liberating and comforting to know that we can always make new connections and "real shit" friendships. As a late thirties mom in a new town, I'm finding how amazing a women's group can be. To heck with the book!

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  7. So glad you found such a group! It's so difficult to make new friends as an adult, I'm learning. No, wait, it's easy to make friends, it's so very hard to make the kinds of friends who really and truly "got your back." The kind you know you can call in the middle of the night if you and your husband have to take a kid to the ER and can't take the other kid. I don't have those kinds of friends here; I try not to think about it or I freak out. I think we're all just so busy, crazy busy, and have a hard time making the time.

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  8. We do so much of that when we're young, but then very little (or none) as we get older, start families and have so little time to sit around and talk to other women. It must have felt like coming home.

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  9. I'm so glad to hear you've joined a women's group. It's so nice to be around other women and just talk. Good for you!!! - MH

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  10. What a cool post! I love the way you talk about each friend bringing you something different - and more importantly - that's okay! Wow, that is freeing to think of it like that! Your new group sounds like it's really done wonders for you!! Awesome!

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  11. I can really relate to this post. Most of the time I leave a meeting or get together with a group of women feeling emotionally fulfilled and energized. Maybe it is because I have five sisters and being around a lot of women is just natural to me. It's like I NEED that female companionship in large doses but don't get it often enough. It's actually something that I am looking to improve on in 2010 and funny enough I am joining a book club. :-)

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  12. This sounds like a wonderful group of women. I miss our book club that we did once that was a really great group of women. I think something like this is awesome, I would love to start one sometime. I'm so glad you have found such inspiration. Happy New Year!

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I always appreciate the gesture to stop and take a moment to comment. Thank you!