Sunday, July 27, 2014

I Enjoy My Socially Withdrawn Self

Lately I've been turning inward, examining life, contemplating... As always with reflection, my mind keeps getting hung up on how I've withdrawn socially and wants to pinpoint the exact moment in time when that happened. I don't quite think there was a defining moment. I think it was a series of moments, and simply the result was my lack of attention and energy to maintain a social life. Hahaha, a social life, in this very moment I don't even know how to define that concept.

Related to my situation and what comes to the forefront of my mind is,  effort to benefit ratio… 

I think that concept seals the deal. All I understand is that it's much easier to just put on my shoes, walk out the door and hike, than it is text 20 times and settle in on a date and time in the future to go with a friend. I'm that kind of socially withdrawn. It's the casual, we would love to see you guys, and no follow through until you run into the person again at Trader Joe's three months later. Part of me selfishly pulls away when I attempt to see someone and it becomes a thing. I'm spontaneous and for some reason the universe has brought planners into my life. Planning makes me socially withdrawn. I am notoriously the person to make contact, if I don't put the invite out, well you can probably guess where this is going. Over the course of time,  I just stopped putting the invite out and guess what, I'm socially withdrawn.

Maybe a better way to describe my socially withdrawn situation is that I'm in a phase of self discovery. I've become accustomed to walking down to the coffee shop and sitting at a patio table, taking in the view of the mountains, and people watching by myself. I just went hiking with Josh yesterday, but I typically take to the trails solo. I've recently gone to the movies, a concert, and even a weekend getaway to Los Angeles alone. Just a few weeks ago, I ran a 5K in a town I had never even stepped foot in, I crossed the finish line alone, but filled with self confidence. Being alone was once a daunting prospect, but now I enjoy solitude.

I enjoy myself.

I enjoy my socially withdrawn self.



  1. Personally, I think it's healthy to be comfortable in your own skin, to feel worth from within, rather than need it from someone on the outside of your head. That said, you know I'm a planner, and over the years, I've left space for spontaneity and it's made a huge difference. I know that sounds odd, but it's true.

    To me, someone who is "socially withdrawn" can't be coaxed out of a shell easily, and you don't strike me as that type of person, so I'm glad you altered it to mean "self discovery." I like that.

    I love posts that make me think. Thanks for posting it! ;)

  2. So on one hand I feel bad reading this, because I know we vowed to get together, and we haven't, and I feel primarily responsible for that.

    But on the other hand I feel comforted, because so much of what you've written resonates with me, making me feel closer to you even though we haven't gotten together in so long.

  3. Absolutely! I think it feels empowering to be alone and engage with the world at my own pace. I hope all is well for you and yours!
    Jen W.

  4. Good for you and great post! I also find it comforting to be by myself. It helps me to learn and grow as a human being. Since living in a smaller town, I'm more spontaneous to get together with a friend. It's sad that we have to "schedule" friendship outings. Our culture has gotten so caught up in being busy and overly scheduled. It's overrated. Wish we lived closer my friend. Miss you! - Melissa H.


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