Lately I've been turning inward, examining life, contemplating... As always with reflection, my mind keeps getting hung up on how I've withdrawn socially and wants to pinpoint the exact moment in time when that happened. I don't quite think there was a defining moment. I think it was a series of moments, and simply the result was my lack of attention and energy to maintain a social life. Hahaha, a social life, in this very moment I don't even know how to define that concept.
Related to my situation and what comes to the forefront of my mind is, effort to benefit ratio…
I think that concept seals the deal. All I understand is that it's much easier to just put on my shoes, walk out the door and hike, than it is text 20 times and settle in on a date and time in the future to go with a friend. I'm that kind of socially withdrawn. It's the casual, we would love to see you guys, and no follow through until you run into the person again at Trader Joe's three months later. Part of me selfishly pulls away when I attempt to see someone and it becomes a thing. I'm spontaneous and for some reason the universe has brought planners into my life. Planning makes me socially withdrawn. I am notoriously the person to make contact, if I don't put the invite out, well you can probably guess where this is going. Over the course of time, I just stopped putting the invite out and guess what, I'm socially withdrawn.
Maybe a better way to describe my socially withdrawn situation is that I'm in a phase of self discovery. I've become accustomed to walking down to the coffee shop and sitting at a patio table, taking in the view of the mountains, and people watching by myself. I just went hiking with Josh yesterday, but I typically take to the trails solo. I've recently gone to the movies, a concert, and even a weekend getaway to Los Angeles alone. Just a few weeks ago, I ran a 5K in a town I had never even stepped foot in, I crossed the finish line alone, but filled with self confidence. Being alone was once a daunting prospect, but now I enjoy solitude.
I enjoy myself.
I enjoy my socially withdrawn self.