Posts

therapy sketch

leather couch
throw rugs
chairs have moved
art is the same
tea mug sitting on a mini trunk

body scan
head to toe

parts my mind doesn't recognize

the worst part is realizing my brain doesn't want to see parts of my own body

trauma revealed.


Clearing Out The Hotspots

My nightstand is a hotspot, which is currently hotter than hell. Miscellaneous things gather on my nightstand. When I glance over I see nasal spray, pillow spray, a coffee mug (currently in use), an empty water glass, a vintage blue glass soap dish full of special stones, shells, and a pin from a Coldplay concert. There is a small ceramic tray with lip balm, a photo card, a hair tie, and a Himalayan salt heart. I see miscellaneous papers like grocery store receipts and tags cut from clothes, a little baggie with a button. Body butter, a pen, a travel size toothpaste, and a small notebook for random thoughts. There are items to be discarded, which I haven't taken the effort to simply pick up and throw away. My brow begins to furrow.

The hotspot aka hot mess has flowed into randomness on the floor next to my nightstand. Currently, 4 library books, a couple of issues of Real Simple, two journals, a lip balm, paperwork from my work from home job, and a legal pad. There's a half em…

Hall Pass

Lofty aspirations of writing for 100 days in a row and carrying the weight of a cold. This will be my hall pass post. Tomorrow there shall be thoughtful words.

Cold Care Natural Soothing Remedies

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A swiftly moving respiratory virus has invaded our home. For the first time in years, I have succumb. It's very strange to be the one wanting to be in bed at 7pm and begging for a cup of tea to be delivered to me. The version I have is mainly sitting in my sinuses, with a nice sprinkle of laryngitis. Over the years we have developed our own family routine for caring for respiratory viruses. I would also like to disclose, we have a family member with asthma and we always follow their doctor prescribed protocol. Because of the asthma diagnosis, we also can't use things like over the counter cough syrup.  We have come up with a huge laundry list of remedies to help us get through the worst parts of a virus which can't be treated with prescriptions.

Soothing remedies for respiratory VIRAL symptoms:

Gargle with salt and water (long standing generational family remedy)Gargle with apple cider vinegar, for my daughter that can not tolerate salt + water gargleIf a bedtime cough is p…

The Study of Self

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Secretly there's a part of me that wishes the story began, thirty years ago I started seeing a therapist. The reality is three years ago I started seeing a therapist. Yet, I'm not going to undermine how three years feels like a beautiful celebration of the personal work I've done. The study of self has led me to places difficult to face, dark and unwieldy, conversely nuanced with acknowledging the most delicate and light filled spaces within me that were larger than I have ever dreamt. I could feel a huge momentum in my life, a deep awareness within my simple day to day experiences, alignments that brought me joy. A shift bigger than I was ready to face was taken away from my realm of possibility. Everything was going my way, until it wasn't. Instantaneously I became stuck, less confident in my ability to move forward authentically. Excuses became default comforts, my presence diminished.


Now, from the cumulative work of three years, I will not allow a setback to detra…

100 Days Left of 2019

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My yoga teacher opened class with a very matter of fact statement, there are 100 days left in 2019. When a year is quantified into days remaining and it feels numerically magical, like 100 does to me, I instantly jumped on the opportunity to set a goal or a challenge. My mind let loose as my pointer finger tapped my chin, what do I want to accomplish in the next 100 days before ringing in TwentyTwenty?

Here I am, in the dashboard of EatPlayLove, hitting compose. 
I anticipate the next 100 days will be full of sweeping change for me, gathering up the piles of internal debris that have been collecting coupled with the physical and mental work of cleaning them out. In a couple of weeks, I begin Power Yoga Teacher Training (PYTT) which ends the day after my birthday. I've heard the phrase, get ready to dive deep, numerous times in reference to the PYTT experience. At this juncture of my life, I will not allow hesitation or fear to impede my ability to take a deep personal dive. I am w…

Honoring Presence In The Home

Sometimes when I truly pause in my space, my eyes fall upon the collection of dust on a hair clinging to the underside of the footed pot of a plant in my living room. Then my eye leads to the discarded parakeet seeds on the floor under the baseboard heating unit. I immediately find the vacuum and start to get in all the nooks and crannies I overlook on my weekly sweeping sessions. I use the attachments to freshen up my driftwood mirror that catches even the smallest of particles and within moment find myself laundering the living room curtains. I pull out the couch and move all of the furniture to clean. I empty the vacuum and realize my vacuum needs a deep vacuuming. Damn you, moments of heightened awareness.

My thoughts grapple with why though out the week I don't ever seem to notice the build up of bobby pins, candy cane wrappers, dust, birdseed, or loose change that feels so incredibly present when I am cleaning it up. I don't want to feel bad or guilty, but of course I do…