My Father Will Always Be 79

I've been noticing senior citizens a lot lately; in line at the market, lifting weights at the rec center, picking up paint at Home Depot. I look in their eyes and observe their skin, their wrinkles, their hands. I watch if they shuffle their feet, indicative of a hip replacement. I see grandfathers with their grandkids in restaurants and more often than not, dads with their daughters that could be me. My mind always mentally takes a stab at their age, measuring every one against my dad.

Is he older or younger?

My father will always be 79.

Sixty Days Later...

Greetings from 60 days later. Insert expletive in-between the six and the zero and you'll be spot on with what my brain is thinking. I vacillate between wow this is incredible and why the hell did it take so long? I recently read it's hard to bring about lasting personal change without the feeling of despair. At the end of January, I truly felt the depths of despair, unsure of my ability to even believe I was capable of bringing about the sweeping change my life so desperately needed.

I just started one day at a time. Profound concept, huh? Before I knew it, I found myself in week two. Then I was earning the perfect month badge. Now i'm sixty days out from my defining moment.

There are so many parts of my story that are still unspoken, but it feels good to start with celebration.

confidence uncertainty determination stability endurance strength recovery grief

When Numbing Out With Food Stops Working

My father died in November. I proceeded to numb myself out with food all through the holidays. The abundance of holiday treats at gatherings, work, and in my home didn't make me feel like I was going out of my way to overindulge. It was a continuous nibble on whatever was in front of me, late morning through after dinner. I started adding sugar to my morning coffee because my father never drank coffee without sugar, I was honoring him. When I'd add two tablespoons up from one, it tasted even better. I'd snack on cereal and refill my bowl if milk was remaining. Yes rolled off my tongue when a server asked if we wanted a second bowl of chips when dining out. The unconscious eating stories are endless. After all, it was the holidays and my father died, so naturally I said yes a lot.

Food is comforting. It's okay, I have a lot going on. I shouldn't beat myself up, not now my father died. It's understandable. 
Then I started noticing my pants were snug, buttons popp…

When A Path Diverges

A year ago the path I was walking diverged. As I looked ahead, I saw the same pea gravel trail with some slight elevation gains, it continued on as far as my eyes could see. To the right there was another path; it snaked up the mountainside. There were small blooms alongside the rocky path, as my eyes tried to get a sense as to where the path lead, a storm cloud appeared at the summit.

I realized if I kept going straight, things would be fine. I probably wouldn't be sore tomorrow, it didn't even appear as if I would get rained on. It was just a matter of carrying on. Is that really what I wanted from my experience, just to carry on? For some reason I abruptly turned, I took the path up the mountain, the path that seemed unpredictable. I knew I would be sore tomorrow, but I would also feel the gains from the challenge. I did have my hiking boots on, I was ready for this. A mile up, I questioned what I was doing, did I really have the strength to take this path? I rested on a ro…

Observations From The Pool

Settling back in after our vacation to New York has meant lots of time poolside. A daily trip to the pool provides exercise, a dose of vitamin D, an opportunity to put down our devices, and lots of fabulous people watching. People watching is a such a gift in many ways. As with life in any small town, we've started to run into some familiar faces regularly at the pool. My favorite are the retired ladies that share a lap lane, floating along side by side, doing more chatting than swimming. After they've had enough of the water they retire to their lounge chairs in the shade and apply almond oil. They love good banter about the current political climate, sharing the latest photos of their grandchildren, naps in the sun, and a hardcover read checked out from the library. Their ease of conversation and joy together makes me long for those friendships that stand the test of time.

We can always count on a gaggle of teenage girls to arrive late afternoon and spread out in front of th…

Swell of Creativity

The swell of creativity has been consuming me at night. I've been drawing with pastels, messy, dusty, color stuck under my fingernails, pastels. My process isn't about the final product, it's actually all about the release, the expression. I've been throwing away the piece after it feels fully worked through. On a whim I took some snapshots of the last piece I created and I love them. I love seeing the texture and the interplay of lines that comes through in the photos. Enjoy...

Pica's Mexican Taqueria in Louisville, A Lovely Addition to Downtown!

Pica's Mexican Taqueria in Boulder has been a staple lunch go-to for me since it's opening in 2010. It's nestled just between my husband's office and mine, so monthly I get the want to escape to Pica's text. We've definitely honed in on our menu favorites, one being the tostada that comes with a heaping mound of lettuce, cabbage, and tomatoes that always leaves me just properly satiated. I also love their soups, tortilla or posole. Pica's has that lovely freshly prepared vibe and the flavors are complex, but well rounded which is my kind of Mexican.

tostada + chicken 
When I was invited to bring my family into the new Louisville location to enjoy a dinner, I jumped at the opportunity. We were thrilled to hear Pica's had expanded and knew it would be a perfect addition to the restaurant scene in downtown. Having the opportunity to experience the dinner menu, which is different than the Boulder location, I decided to branch out from my usual order. I went…

Expand Your Cheese Palate

One of the highlights of working with Whole Foods Market the past few years is being introduced to artisanal cheesemakers. The world of cheese is so expansive, I think it's easy to default to favorites as well as not really know where to begin to explore new cheeses! Don't be shy when shopping at your local Whole Foods Market, their cheesemongers are some of the most talented in the country, they are a wealth of knowledge and will lead your palate in the right direction. Plus, they are very generous about sampling before purchasing. 
February seems to provide ample opportunity to have friends over for a social gathering and there really is no simpler way to delight your guests, than with a lovely charcuterie board. We recently picked up some Satori cheese from Whole Foods, a Merlot and a Balsamic BellaVitano. Oh my were they lovely and the first to disappear from the board. Sartori is a family-owned fourth-generation artisanal cheesemaker from Plymouth, Wisconsin. Each of the…